The following is a ” Thank You” from someone we helped.
I don’t know what else to say but thank you! I promised that I would write a testimony to all in hopes my story may help someone else from making the mistake I almost made Sunday night had you (Guff) not intervened.
Here is my backstory:
I was in the Navy for 13 years since 1999. I have done 4 tours in hot spots throughout my career. Theatres included 2 tours in Iraq (Boots on ground), 1 in Jolo Island, South Philippines, and Counter piracy Operations off the Horn of Africa. This does not include some really bad Humanitarian Missions I was involved in. I had seen my fare share of death. Felt the suppression of having to push in emotions and use them for motivation to keep the mission critical thinking as sharp as possible. Suppress these feeling in long enough and they become part of your inner conscience. I was never aloud to mourn the loss of my brothers in arms. I was let go by the navy honorably via ERB with no rhyme or reason after 13 years of hard fought dedicated service. This took its toll on me till this Sunday.
To add to all of this suppression I recently lost my Father and during that time found my wife was living with another man under his name while I worked away from home in LA. My revelation to this as I walked into the home resulted in Jail time. (I have since been Exonerated and still pending a divorce while she hides away with my kids who she has kept me from. Hence the Anonymity). During the same period I lost the best Veteran, Best Friend and Mentor I have ever had in my life. My Grandfather and shortly after, my Grandmother.
Recently I had been in a 8 month relationship with the one person in my life I could talk to, Open up to and love unconditionally. My condition though is one of many like my brothers and sisters that come back from a warzone of self destruction. The feeling of survivors guilt or not being good enough to serve. I questioned my worth. I questioned whether or not I deserved to walk this planet anymore. I pushed away those I loved and was actually dared to kill myself by some that I pushed away.
Sunday night April 10th 2016 I decided that I no longer wanted to burden anyone else with my problems. I was alone at home after splitting with the person that was the love of my life. I armed my Ruger 9mm with Hollow point placed the gun in my mouth laid back chambered the round and decided this was the time and place to end it all.
At that very moment my phone lit up on the facebook app I was recently on. It happened to be Guff running around in the snow happy and yelling like a fool. I paused from what I was doing and messaged the 22untilValhalla message link (“I only wish I could feel alive as you.” I was still commited to ending it. I did not believe I would get a message back and wasn’t expecting one. I was probably letting them know I was about to become another statistic like my Grandfather (who killed himself via self inflicted gunshot wound to the head at the age or 83 years old) I was going to join my best friend.
I really believe that he might have called to Guff. I heard a ring that startled me. My phone had not given me an alert for several days. I looked down at the phone and there was a reply “My Brother. What’s going on?” Guff had contacted me as I was in the middle of pulling the trigger. I chatted with him for a second and he persuaded me to call him. and calm me down. I locked my gun up and unloaded the magazines. placed in separate safes. He has been in contact with me as well as a friend of his and we are in the process of seeking me the help I need. I know this journey is going to be long and hard but I promised Guff and his Brother Martinez “I would stay in the fight!” A promise I wouldn’t break to anyone. Especially to a comrade in arms who just saved my life.
With the tears running down my face I can never repay you or this organization for saving my life. I promise not only to keep in the fight but to better it and try to save others that felt the same way I did.
I hope this testimony will help save someone from going down the dark path of suicide. I am living proof you are NOT ALONE!
We are there for you and we GOT YOUR SIX! I love everyone of my troubled brothers and sisters. you are Courageous, Strong, and most of all Loved! Thank you for allowing me to live to share this.